Adoption Essentials
“Parenting by adoption and parenting by birth are more similar than they are different, but the differences that do exist are significant and can't be sugar-coated.”
— Patricia Irwin Johnston, adoptive parent + author
An 8-part guided series + community conversation with fellow adoptive parents
Because you deserve as much support as your child does.
“I have more patience for big emotional swings and blow-outs. And I understand more about developmental stages and ways children process things at specific age levels.”
Adoption is a family story that matters.
Whether yours is created by transracial adoption, open adoption, foster care, or kinship ties, the fact of adoption has a ripple effect. This is true across the lifespan and touches everyone you care about.
Parenthood by adoption takes intention and patience.
I know you already bring that to the table.
Typically, much of the preparation and structured support leading up to adoption falls away after placement. The work done by social workers and attorneys through the process of adoption often focus on juggling the mechanics of the adoption process. But the parenting, bonding, and lots-of-questions pieces fall squarely in your court.
Essential needs post-placement include attachment, making sense of loss, skills for coping and emotional regulation, building identity and self-esteem, and growing a steady sense of safety and belonging. When any of these are off-track, the whole family feels it.
The daily challenges of parenting, competing emotional needs of each family member, and complexities of growing-up emerge over time, but you don’t have to go it alone.
Boosting your own support means your kids can tap into your regulation and calm.
Families I work with say things like...
"We need to find other parents who get it."
"I feel like the bar is higher for me as an adoptive parent."
"I don’t know how to talk about the hard parts of the story."
"What worked with our other kids just isn’t working."
"I'm exhausted. And I don’t understand these behaviors."
Adoption always has a backstory.
And adoptive parents are often the storytellers. Do you know where to start? How do you account for the facts, hunches, and supposed-to’s?
When you are anchored in the big picture of what’s going on for your child, both developmentally and emotionally, you can lean into your role as a trustworthy source of information and comfort.
You can lead with confidence & empathy, sharing more about their adoption as they grow.
Let’s start with a few truths…
You are your child’s best resource for organizing their story and working through the essential tasks of owning and integrating their life story narrative.
You are already supporting their healthy development. We’ll attend to each piece of what’s working and what feels stuck, so you can take a step back from always tackling what’s hard. And lean into more sweet spots of connection. You’re doing so much well; your curiosity and reflection become part of how they see themselves.
Parenthood is challenging. Raising little ones can be confusing with unanswered questions, missing details, and shifting needs as they grow. Your best bet in guiding them is drawing on self-compassion for your own experience and mixed emotions. You can lead better when you’re grounded.
You are not alone. While navigating challenges is part of raising resilient kids, the facts and feelings of adoption can make some ages + stages feel a bit “stickier.” No wonder you’re craving support. You’re not the only family on this path.
Adoption researchers—many of whom are adoptive parents and adopted people—have outlined some essential tasks that can be eased when we recognize them.
Adoption scholars have identified Seven Core Issues in Adoption:
Loss
Rejection
Guilt + Shame
Grief
Identity
Intimacy + Belonging
Mastery + Control
Many of these aren’t reflected in typical parenting books or recommendations from your pediatrician. They can profoundly shape family communication, secure attachment, and age-appropriate expectations. I’m guessing you already recognize some of them.
When you know the need behind BIG behaviors and fears, you can step back from worry + consequences and shine a light on connection! That’s where major shifts can happen: In the heart of your relationship.
What you can expect
Small group + personalized support
8 Zoom calls (75 min each)
Personalized coaching through asynchronous videos between sessions. I’ll answer your questions and help tailor each topic for your family.
Materials
Weekly videos + other resources
Creative activities + journal prompts to explore + reflect on each theme
A list of my favorite adoption books for school-age kids and middle readers
Community Ties
Opportunities to hear from adult adoptees and birth parents in the community
Encouragement to connect with group members between sessions
“Speaking with other adoptive parents and just being in a group that is not shocked by big behaviors really helps.”
— new adoptive parents of one
Hi, I’m MereAnn!
I’ve spent 15 years supporting adoptive and foster families. After five years as an advocate for youth living in foster care, I trained as a therapist specializing in adoption, and have led adoption prep and parenting classes since 2012.
I earned a Certificate in Therapy with Adoptive & Foster Families and held a leadership role in adoption support & education for several years, as a volunteer, curriculum designer, and group leader. In 2021, I also contributed to a book for therapists about sandtray therapy, on healing grief and attachment in adoption.
While over 60% of Americans are connected to someone who is or has adopted, adoption remains a marginalized experience. For over a decade, I’ve collaborated to deepen my specialty in post-adoption support, joining with advocates, mentors, birth/first parents, adopted people, clinical researchers, and adoptive parents to support more families and change how adoption is portrayed.
What I’ll bring to the conversation
My conscious parenting toolbox has grown to include a vast collection of playful ways to boost the power of gentle parenting, make sense of BIG behaviors, and reconnect after upsets—all shaped by the wisdom of neuroscience, the power of attachment theory, and the experiences of hundreds of families I’ve worked with.
I’m honored to host this group as a new incarnation of the drop-in adoption support groups I’ve led for seven years. And I’m excited to share some of my best material on lifestory books, attachment, kids’ grief, adoption transitions, birth family connections, the brain science of attachment, and healing early trauma.
I am committed to continued learning from professionals and activists who are adopted themselves or have relinquished children to adoption. I regularly attend workshops, read, watch, and listen to a range of voices about the lived experiences of adoption. Here are a few I’m appreciating lately:
This Land…podcast on Native American tribal rights in the child welfare system (Season 2) offers bigger picture thinking about the 2022 case before the US Supreme Court and significance of the Indian Child Welfare Act
Parenting After Trauma…practical, compassionate, neuroscience-informed podcast for parents of kids with big behaviors and/or a history of trauma
The Adopted Life…video interview series with adoptee host Angela Tucker includes insightful, dynamic conversations with adopted youth
Adoptees On…a gathering of adopted people willing to share their intimately personal stories with you about the impact adoption has had. Listen in and you will discover that you are not alone on this journey.
Adoption Mosaic…speaker series founded by adopted people, featuring members of the community from different stages of life, diverse parts of the world, and a range of perspectives in conversation
