Tiny Moments of Connection Are Magic

Every year, my family spends a winter weekend with friends on the Oregon Coast.

Beach Weekend is a house full of funny, cheeky friends walking up and down the shore and cooking for one another. It well and truly fills us up. All 10 of us, from up and down the West Coast, protect this shared weekend in our calendars—for the past 20 years.

And, for some of us, that's it.

We only see each other once a year in this special bubble of friendship, and then we stretch out into our own orbits.

It's enough. We touch in, soak each other up, and ramble on.

Connection doesn't have to be a full-time job in order to feel seen and heard.

But what it does take is genuine attention and shared energy.

Valentine's candy and deep, heart-to-heart conversations aren’t required. Those just aren't everyone's love languages. Mine are good food, making things with my hands, and shared outdoor adventures!

In fact, we can create sturdy layers of connection by stacking together a bunch of micro-moments. We're talking snippets between two and 20 minutes.

A couple ideas:

Special Time, 1:1

The activity is less important than your undivided attention. Don’t check your messages, don’t let your mind wander. Just be with your child. Give them your undivided attention.

Tip: It helps to set a timer, so you have a container of time; they get every second of it, and the timer ends Special Time, instead of you.

Tips for Special Time structure, from Hand in Hand Parenting.

Rough-And-Tumble Play

Many parents are wary of rough housing because it seems aggressive. But good rough-and-tumble play is more like call and response than fighting. This kind of play lets you build connection by tuning into your child's non-verbal cues, noticing their intensity, inviting contact, and tracking their mood. Again, set a timer, if you like.

Start with a sturdy, positive connection: A hug, a handshake, High-5, or a respectful bow—before letting it rip! Remember to take the less powerful role, whether you're grappling, guarding or tackling with a ball, or being a Mama Mountain for climbing. High-touch and close proximity lets you really feel each other's presence.

Larry Cohen, PhD, offers 10 tips for safe & fun roughhousing!